Saturday, July 28, 2007

using emails for blogger-fodder

i thought i would write to you, only because i'm utterly bored and i need to do something to keep myself awake. my head hurts. night shift always makes me feel ill. blah.

maybe i should write and tell you all about me, about what i like and dont like, about the things that mattered to me as a child, the things that mattered to me last year and the things that matter now.
i should tell you about the surgeries i've had and the scars they've left. or about how i miss my mom but will never talk about her.

you should know that i have had a very happy life and i believe i'm very very very blessed. my life has been easier than most people's and i know that God has a soft spot for me.

i should tell you that i'm not bothered about looks because i myself am not perfect. far from it. intelligence, kindness, humour and love are probably the things that matter to me most.

my biggest fear is that i will lose the people i love. you should know that i want to allow myself to fall in love with a guy who has come into my life and changed my beliefs. i want you to know that trust isnt gained easily and as attracted as i am to you, i dont know you ... i dont know how you treat others, i dont know whether you have a hundred women running after you, i dont know what you they mean to you and what you mean to them.

i should tell you that i've told lies, lies that have hurt others perhaps, lies to cover up my own shortcomings. should tell you that money doesnt matter to me, that it did matter... not anymore
i could advise you a bit on love. i could only tell you that there is no sense in holding back and playing mind games with people... you should know that mind games scare me, turn me off and hurt me…

i want to ask you to be open with me about your past ...nothing hurts more than wanting to know things like that and not knowing… and as much as i hate to admit it...i'm insecure about things like that. i want to know that you will be honest with me, no matter what. i want you to know that there is no mistake impossible to forgive and nothing that i would knowingly do to hurt you.

i have to confess that i have a crazy schoolgirlish crush on you and i want to stop now. 


Ghetufool said...

why do you think past relationships are mistakes? and the one you are in is sacred?

beautiful flow btw.

Dredger said...

Does the object of your affection even know that its directed at him? Quite pointless and wasted effort of some really nice prose if he doesn!